Binky #9: A Field Trip

It was a clear day on the Chardon Square. Across the street at the elementary school a teacher was bundling up her first graders. They were all set for a field trip. For the past two weeks the students had been preparing for this field trip. It was not a regular field trip with a big yellow school bus. It was a simple walk across the street to the Square. The first graders had spent the last two weeks writing stories, learning vocabulary, drawing pictures and studying about pigeons. It seemed that Binky’s notoriety had spread all the way down to first grade.

They had heard about the many awards that judge was being given, so they decided to make their own award and give it to Binky.

They made a big award for Binky on a piece of butcher paper. It was 4’ x 8’. They colored it and drew pictures of pigeons on it. They all signed their names. The inscription read, “To our friend Binky, a good citizen and a man who is a helpful.” The teacher explained how they could roll the award up like a scroll. Then they could unroll it and read it like a proclamation.

When they were ready the teacher brought out a surprise. She gave each student a small bag of birdseed to feed to the pigeons. Then off they went to the Square.

Binky was standing in his usual spot. He looked up and saw an unusual sight. About 20 1st graders were coming toward him.

The kids greeted Binky warmly and Binky responded. The teacher helped them unroll the scroll. The kids read the words on it. Binky looked at the kids, then the pigeons, and finally the teacher. Binky was a little choked up. Then the kids asked if they could feed the pigeons.

“Oh yes” said Binky, “please do.”

About this time there was a commotion and lot of loud hollering. From across the street came that judge yelling and waving his gavel in the air with his robes flying behind him. He ran up to the group and started shouting that Binky was endangering the children. He said Binky was creating a health and safety hazard for the children.

The first graders were afraid and huddled behind their teacher. Indeed, a man in a black robe waving a gavel, does look menacing.

Now, if you have spent any time in an elementary school you know there are no wimps among first grade teachers. They love teaching, but are fiercely protective of their students.

That judge continued to yell and wave his gavel. That lit the teacher’s fuse. She stepped up toe to toe with that judge and said “There is no danger to the children. There are no safety or health hazards here. Stop scaring my students.”

That judge was enraged. “I am finding you in contempt” he yelled at the teacher. The teacher was having none of it. She stared right at that judge and said, “The only contempt here is the contemptible nature of your behavior toward these children.”

The commotion had not gone unnoticed and about this time two police cars a sheriff’s deputy and even a highway patrol car pulled up. Sheriff Heidelberg got out of one of the cars and walked over to where the judge was standing. He calmly and quietly said to that judge, “It’s time for you to go back to work in your courtroom.”

That judge turned his anger at Sheriff Heidelberg and began berating him. 35 years of police work had taught the Sheriff how to calm a situation down. He quietly said, “Your honor I don’t want to arrest you, please go back to your courtroom.” That judge had never been addressed this way. He knew he had met his match. He turned and still yelling stomped back toward his courtroom.

Sheriff Heidelberg turned to the children and said “It’s OK now everything is fine. He asked the kids if they would like to blow the siren on the squad car. There was a lot of noise from all four squad cars blowing their sirens.

This was a field trip no one would ever forget.

NOTE: There will be some big events going on next week. There will be no episode of Binky’s Bench next week.

The opinions expressed are solely those of Dave Partington and of course Bud, Randy, Harold, Larry and the rest of the guys sitting at the bar at Bud’s. Bud’s Geauga Corners is a work of fiction. Bud’s Geauga Corners is paid for solely by Dave Partington.

Binky #8: Binky Does Math

It was an overcast cold Northeast Ohio day on the Chardon square. Binky was standing near the 20 foot statue of that judge and feeding the pigeons. A woman approached him and greeted him warmly. Everybody seemed to like Binky right away. She said her name was Deborah Kowalski and she worked in the office that keeps the court records for the entire county. Binky handed her the bag of seed and together they began feeding the pigeons. She explained what she did for the county. She told Binky that she was in charge of keeping all the records straight for all the court cases.

Binky said, “That sounds like a lot of work.” She said, “I have a lot of good people working with me.”

When they had finished spreading the bag of seed Ms. Kowalski asked Binky if he would like to go to the coffee shop and warm up with a cup of coffee. It was cold outside and Binky quickly agreed.

When they got their coffee Ms. Kowalski asked, “Binky, do you like to do math problems?”

“Oh yes, math was my best subject in school,” Binky said. Ms. Kowalski took out a calculator, a legal pad and one of those cardboard flyers that judge had mailed to everybody in the county. She showed Binky the section that said the judge had 6400 hearings last year. “Wow,” Binky said. “That’s a lot.” Ms. Kowalski said, “Let’s find out how many hearings he does every day.”

First, they took 365 days and subtracted the 104 weekend days in a year. That judge probably didn’t work on weekends. Then they subtracted for a two -week vacation. Binky said, “Yes a vacation is good. It lets you get rested and feel better.” By subtracting they found that there were 247 days for that judge to work. Binky was good at long division and he figured that judge had over 3 hearings every hour of every work day.

“Can he do that many? Can he really get that many done?” asked Binky.

Ms. Kowalski chuckled and said, “Binky, those are judicial robes he wears not a superhero cape.”

It took Binky a minute to get it. There wasn’t much irony in his life and Binky was a literal guy.

Binky was quiet for a moment and then said, “He’s doing so much work that he must be really tired. That’s why he’s grumpy and yells at people so much.”

Ms. Kowalski changed the subject. “I heard you got an award.”

“Yes,” said Binky. “Sheriff Heidelberg gave me a snow shovel with my name engraved on it. He said it was for being a good citizen and helping shovel off the snow from the courthouse steps. I didn’t want people to slip and fall.”

“Congratulations Binky,” said Ms. Kowalski.

She didn’t say it but what she was thinking was, as soon as that judge hears about Binky’s shovel he’ll probably give himself another made up award with a gold-plated shovel that the taxpayers will have to pay for.

Ms. Kowalski looked at her watch and said, “Binky it’s time for me to get back to work.”

“Yes,” said Binky. “The pigeons will be getting hungry too.” Binky bought several large muffins for the pigeons.

As they were leaving the sun was trying to poke through the gray clouds above Chardon. Ms. Kowalski said goodbye to Binky. As she was leaving she thought to herself, “Yes, it’s true. People really do like Binky.”

NEXT TIME: A Field Trip

The opinions expressed are solely those of Dave Partington and of course Bud, Randy, Harold, Larry and the rest of the guys sitting at the bar at Bud’s. Bud’s Geauga Corners is a work of fiction. Bud’s Geauga Corners is paid for solely by Dave Partington.

Bud #10: B.L. Jefferson the 3rd - A Reunion with a Preacher

It was noon when I stopped in to Bud’s Geauga Corners, that white clapboard tavern at the edge of the county. I brought a couple sandwiches to share with Bud. I handed one to Bud. He smiled and thanked me. “Dave, something unusual just happened. About a half an hour ago an old guy with a guitar came in. He said his name was B.L. Jefferson the 3rd. He said that he knew Randy way back from Basic Training. He said his great grandfather was a blues singer in Texas in the 1920s.”

My jaw dropped. Could it be that this man was the great grandson of Blind Lemon Jefferson, one of the most popular blues recording artists of the 1920s.

“Then what happened,” I asked. “I sent him over to the cemetery. I told him Randy was over there cleaning up graves. He thanked me and went out the door singing ‘…see that my grave is kept clean.”

I said, “That was Blind Lemon’s most famous song.”

It turned out that B.L. Jefferson the 3rd was indeed the great grandson of Lemon Henry

‘Blind Lemon’ Jefferson.

When B.L. got to the cemetery he stopped and leaned on the gate. He looked at the two people edging around a grave. B.L. began to sing in a loud clear voice, “…one kind a favor I’ll ask of you, see that my grave is kept clean.”

Randy stood up. It was 50 years since he heard that song. He made a straight line toward the gate yelling, “B.L., is that you?”

Amanda walked up behind them as they were giving each other a warm hug.

The two had been good friends in Basic Training. The other guys in basic teased B.L. because he was always singing, See That My Grave Is Kept Clean. In the midst of the Vietnam War they thought it was a sarcastic song. It wasn’t. It was a lament. Regardless, the guys, especially Randy, loved it.

After Basic they were given different assignments. Randy was sent to Vietnam. The two lost track of each other. They hadn’t seen each other for 50 years. Cemetery cleanup was suspended for the day. They went back to Bud’s. Bud served up the drinks. Randy had his usual diet cola with a slice of lemon. B.L. said, “What are you drinking?” Randy said, “It’s diet cola, it tastes better with a slice of lemon.” B.L. laughed. “I believe I’ll have one of those too,” he said.

B.L. related that after Basic he’d gotten into the Chaplain Corp. Then he too was sent to Vietnam.

B.L. was there for two years, but he never ran into Randy. When he was discharged he became an itinerant preacher. He was in Ohio because he had a gig singing and preaching at a church in Youngstown.

B.L. took out his guitar and began the song Randy wanted to hear. They were part way through See That My Grave Is Kept Clean when the door opened. A deputy sheriff walked in. B.L. stopped immediately. The deputy said please don’t stop.” When B.L. and Randy finished the song the deputy said, “They sent me out here to investigate a suspicious person.” The room got quiet. Randy stood up and said,

“Let me introduce you to B. L. Jefferson the 3rd,.” The deputy said, “Are you related to Blind Lemon Jefferson?”

“He’s my great grandpa,” said B.L.

The deputy sat down and said, “I think I’m gonna have to investigate this music for awhile.” B.L. seemed to relax a little. B.L. came from Texas and the deputy sheriffs weren’t always friendly.

“Can you play the Matchbox Blues?” the deputy asked. “When I was in high school my friend and I tried to play country blues.”

So B.L. played and the deputy watched closely how his fingers moved.

B.L. said, “You were watching that little riff I did. Do you want me to show it to you?” “Would you?” said the deputy. B.L. demonstrated it three or four times then handed the guitar to the deputy and said “Here you try.” The deputy worked through it several times until he got it just right.

It was quite an afternoon with B.L. and the deputy trading the guitar back-and-forth and playing tunes. Finally, the deputy said, “I gotta go.” Bud said, “Officer you know we have a lot of suspicious people out here. You ought to bring your guitar out here and investigate anytime you want.”

All this time, I was sitting at the bar watching and thinking what a special place an old tavern out at a crossroads could be.

NOTE: There will be some big events going on next week. There will be no episode of Bud’s Geauga Corners next week.


The opinions expressed are solely those of Dave Partington and of course Bud, Randy, Harold, Larry and the rest of the guys sitting at the bar at Bud’s. Bud’s Geauga Corners is a work of fiction. Bud’s Geauga Corners is paid for solely by Dave Partington.

Binky #7: Binky and the Snow Shovel

It’s winter in Chardon and we just had our first big snow. When Binky got to the Square that morning a man from the city services department was unloading a snow blower. He was getting ready to clean off the sidewalks around the courthouse. He saw Binky and he went over to his truck. He got out a snow shovel and brought it to Binky. The city worker said, “Hi Binky, if you want to, you can shovel off that area over by the side of the courthouse. People don’t use it in the winter and the pigeons could eat there.” Binky was pleased. After he had shoveled off the area for the pigeons to eat, he saw that the courthouse steps weren’t shoveled off yet. They were probably very slippery. Binky decided he would help out and he began shoveling off the steps that went into the courthouse. The city worker finished the snow blowing just about the same time as Binky finished shoveling the steps. The worker brought a bag of salt over to the steps and he and Binky began spreading it. Soon the steps wouldn’t be slippery anymore. Binky was very pleased. The two things he liked in life were being helpful and feeding the pigeons.

As they were finishing spreading salt, the Sheriff’s cruiser pulled up. Sheriff Heidelberg got out of the cruiser and walked over to the courthouse steps. Binky and the city worker were just finishing spreading salt.

“Looks good boys,” said Sheriff Heidelberg. “We just got a call about somebody stealing city equipment.” The sheriff opened the complaint papers that he had been given and said, “Let me see.”

“It says here that somebody has stolen a snow shovel from the city.” At that point he stopped reading, turned around and looked at the second floor of the Courthouse Annex. There was that judge standing in the window scowling. Sheriff Heidelberg look back at the papers and thought to himself, “Doesn’t that guy have anything else to do?”

“Binky, were you stealing a snow shovel,” asked the Sheriff.

“No,” answered Binky. “I was shoveling off the steps of the courthouse so people wouldn’t slip and fall.”

“Well, you guys are doing a great job, keep it up.” said the sheriff.” I’ve got to get back to the Safety Center.” He looked over to the Courthouse Annex once more and thought to himself, “a 35 year career in police work and now I’ve got to answer goofy calls like this.” He got back in his cruiser and drove away.

Later in the day the Sheriff pulled up again. He got out of the cruiser and opened the trunk. He pulled out a brand new snow shovel. He brought it over to Binky and said “Binky in consideration of your good citizenship and a volunteerism in our county, the law enforcement community is presenting you with this snow shovel. We have had your name engraved on it. Sure enough, Binky looked at the shove and It had a gold label on it that said, “To Binky a REAL citizen who is a REAL help”

Binky was overwhelmed. This was like an award, a real award for doing a real thing that helped real people. Sheriff Heidelberg reached out and shook Binky’s hand. Then he fished in his shirt pocket and pulled out his business card. He handed it to Binky. “Call me anytime Binky.”

As the Sheriff walked back to his cruiser he thought to himself, “When that judge hears about this he’ll probably invent some kind of shovel award for himself. But I don’t guess it’ll be snow that he’s shoveling.”

NEXT TIME: Binky Does Math

The opinions expressed are solely those of Dave Partington and of course Bud, Randy, Harold, Larry and the rest of the guys sitting at the bar at Bud’s. Bud’s Geauga Corners is a work of fiction. Bud’s Geauga Corners is paid for solely by Dave Partington.

Bud #9: The Placemat

When I stopped at Bud’s Harold was sitting in his usual place at the bar, nursing a beer. Bud’s Geauga Corners is that old white clapboard tavern at a crossroads out at the eastern edge of Geauga County.

Harold looked up and said, “Dave, have I got a story to tell you.”

I sat down on the barstool next to Harold and he started right in.

“Dave, the other day I was over on the west side of the county. I had a doctor’s appointment all the way over at that hospital.” Just about that time Bud came out of the back room with a case of beer to put into the cooler. Bud didn’t miss a beat. He said, “Going to see your psychiatrist again eh?” Harold ignored him and continued his story. “When I got done with the doctor I started heading home, but I was kind of hungry so I stopped at a little restaurant. It was still early enough so I decided to have breakfast. I sat down at a booth and the waitress came over and put a placemat and some silverware down in front of me. It was one of those paper placemats that have advertising all over it.”

“Dave, you’re not gonna believe it, but there was a picture of that judge right there in the top corner of that placemat. It was right next to an ad for trash hauling and above a guy advertising a septic sucking service.”

“That probably wasn’t the best ad placement,” I opined.”

“Dave, those ads cost money, right,” Harold asked?

“Yes, they do,” I said.

“Taxpayers have to pay for his ads, right?”

“Yes” I replied.

Harold said “Boy, if people knew that they were paying for these ads they would be pretty mad at him for wasting money.”

Harold was getting pretty wound up so I decided to change the subject a bit.

“Well Harold, did you get some breakfast?”

“Yes, I did. I had my favorite, fried eggs sunny side up.”

“Dave, as I was eating my breakfast the strangest thing kept happening. I kept hearing a paper tearing sound. I looked around me and saw that people all over the restaurant were tearing that judge’s picture off the corner of the placemat. Then they were wadding it up.”

“When the waitress came back I asked her about tearing the corner off the placements. She said that people had been doing that for weeks now.”

Then Harold reached into his shirt pocket. He took out a folded-up paper placemat that he had saved from the restaurant. He carefully unfolded it and laid it flat on the bar. Sure enough, there was a picture of that judge.

Now Harold wasn’t the tidiest eater you’ve ever met. Some of those sunny side up eggs had dribbled onto the placemat. In fact, they had dribbled right onto that judge’s face. Harold said, “I’m sorry Dave. I’m just a little sloppy when I eat.” I looked at the picture for a few moments then said “Harold I wouldn’t really worry about it, he’s had a lot of egg on his face lately.”

NEXT TIME: B.L. Jefferson the 3rd, A Reunion with a Preacher

The opinions expressed are solely those of Dave Partington and of course Bud, Randy, Harold, Larry and the rest of the guys sitting at the bar at Bud’s. Bud’s Geauga Corners is a work of fiction. Bud’s Geauga Corners is paid for solely by Dave Partington.

Bud #8: Will Harold Be a Bridesmaid?

Everybody at Bud’s Geauga Corners was in a very upbeat mood. Bud’s is an old white clapboard tavern at a crossroads out in far eastern Geauga County.

News travels fast in Geauga Corners. It seemed like the whole town knew that Amanda and Randy were out working at the cemetery a couple of times a week cleaning it up and restoring the little flags on Veterans’ graves. Folks were speculating, but not in a gossipy way. Rather they were hoping that these two had found a partnership in each other. They knew that Randy was nearly 70 and Amanda was in her mid 60s. Folks were happy for them and hoped that they would be happy together.

Their bond of friendship, companionship and eventually love grew strong. A cemetery certainly seemed a strange place for a courtship, but not when you understood the reason they were there.

One day as they were finishing their work, Randy pulled an old yellow envelope out of his shirt pocket.  He slowly took out a faded photograph. It was a picture of his comrades from Vietnam. He handed the photo to Amanda. He said, “I guess that’s why I’m here working at the cemetery.”

He said, “They’re all dead.  They never made it back.” Randy turned away to hide his tears. In all the years since Vietnam he had shown that photo to only one other person, that was Bud. Amanda knew this was a very special moment. She touched his arm and gently turned him around. She kissed him and said “I think I’m in love with you.”  Randy kissed her and said “I’m in love with you too.”

A wedding announcement was bound to come and it was bound to come right there inside Bud’s. I was there when the two of them walked in together holding hands. Randy spoke up and said, “I have an announcement to make. Amanda and I are going to get married.”

A collective yes resounded through the bar.

Bud handed Randy and Amanda diet colas with a slice of lemon and said, “I propose a toast to

the lucky couple.” A toast was made. Then Bud said quietly, “Randy, I want you to wear your uniform at the wedding.”   The room became completely silent. Amanda turned to Randy and said, “Yes, please wear it.” Randy paused for a long moment, then slowly nodded his head yes. Everyone in the room applauded.

Then Harold in an attempt at humor made another of his giant faux pas.

He piped up and said, “Hey maybe we could get that judge to perform the ceremony.”

Amanda was immediately angry. She grabbed the sausage stick that Harold had been munching on and shoved it into his ear.

Amanda glared at Harold and said, “Amazing, I thought it would go right on through and come out the other side you brain dead moron!” Randy just chuckled. He was taking it surprisingly well.  He seemed to be getting over his intense dislike for that judge just because he had been a ‘desk jockey’ JAG officer.

“No Harold, we won’t have that judge,” said Randy, “but you can be the bridesmaid.” The bar erupted in laughter. “Harold you’ll look great in pink chiffon. Don’t worry Harold I’ll see that you get a fancy hairdo at the beauty shop.” Harold, who was now on the receiving end of the jokes was taking it pretty well. “OK, OK” he said, “but isn’t it time for someone to buy the bridesmaid a beer. Then we can have another toast to the lucky couple.” Bud handed Harold a beer and held out his hand for payment. Harold said, “Put it on my bill.”

Bud said, “Harold you’re not a duck.”

Harold raised his bottle for a toast and for once he became serious. He said “To the lucky couple who have found love late in life and to those who have left us. May we continue to honor and remember them just like these two do.” Glasses clinked all around.

NEXT TIME: The Placemat

 
The opinions expressed are solely those of Dave Partington and of course Bud, Randy, Harold, Larry and the rest of the guys sitting at the bar at Bud’s. Bud’s Geauga Corners is a work of fiction. Bud’s Geauga Corners is paid for solely by Dave Partington.

Bogus Complaints for Political Points

Here are some things to know.
√ four complaints were filed by Grendell's patronage employee
√ three of the four frivolous/bogus complaints were already thrown out.
√ the fourth was dismissed today, March 6th 2020.
√ guess who will pay the court costs and lawyer fees on this?