Binky #6: Binky’s Newspaper Interview

Last time, Binky had been charged with vagrancy, loitering, unlawfully allowing pets to desecrate the sacred character of public property and creating a public nuisance.  Judge Stupanzik read the charges, banged her gavel and said “Case dismissed.” As the courtroom cleared, Binky was approached by John Carlson. Carlson was the lead reporter on the Maple Tree Gazette.  He asked Binky if he could do an interview with him. He wanted to find out all about Binky and how he came to feed the pigeons.

They walked over to the coffee shop and sat down. The waitress came right over and greeted Binky warmly by name.  She said, “You are such a nice man and by the way, my customers say they like you too.”  They ordered coffee and muffins. Binky ordered two extra for the pigeons.

As Carlson began to question him he discovered that Binky was from Pittsburgh. Binky said he moved here because he saw a picture of the big courthouse on the square. He knew the pigeons would like it there.  Binky lived just off the Chardon Square. He liked living close to the pigeons.

Binky was excited. He asked if he would be in the newspaper?

“Can we take pictures of the pigeons too,” Binky asked.

“Yes Binky. I’m going to write a feature front page story about you and the pigeons,” said Carlson.

“Carlson asked Binky about all the problems he had on the Square. After probing a little bit Carlson discovered that Binky was sad because that judge was always angry at him.

“If he put the bench back over here, then he could come over and sit with me and feed the pigeons. If he tried it I think he might like it.” Binky suggested.

“I doubt it.” thought Carlsson to himself.

Carlson asked, “Do the pigeons have names?”

“Binky replied “I guess so, but I’m not sure.”

“How do you tell them apart,” said Carlson.

“Oh, I don’t worry about that,” Binky said.  They know each other’s names.”

“Are the pigeons really your friends,” Carlson asked?

“Well they seem to like me and I like them,” Binky replied.

“Are you angry about that judge putting up that statue of himself with his finger pointing to the police station?” asked Carlson. “No. I thought I would be, but the pigeons like it so it’s ok.”

When they had finished Carlson tried to pay the bill.  The lady at the cash register said “No charge.”  I saw that judge back in July out there on the street with his black robe. He started yelling at Officer Dalton.” He had told Binky that he was headed for choir practice. “It sure didn’t sound like he was singing to Officer Dalton.”

“You know that judge comes in here a lot and doesn’t think he should have to pay just because he’s a judge. Those seminars he puts on might be free but lunch isn’t.”

He came in here back in September with some politician. He said the guy had come all the way from Cincinnati. He said I ought to give him a free lunch. I told him he could go back to Cincinnati and maybe they ‘d give him a free bowl of chili.”

Carlson finished the interview and closed his notebook. He said “Well Binky, I’ve got to get back to my paper.”  

“Yes, I’ve got to get back too,” said Binky. “By now the pigeons will be getting hungry.”

NEXT: Binky and the Snow Shovel

The opinions expressed are solely those of Dave Partington and of course Bud, Randy, Harold, Larry and the rest of the guys sitting at the bar at Bud’s. Bud’s Geauga Corners is a work of fiction. Bud’s Geauga Corners is paid for solely by Dave Partington.

Binky #5: Case Dismissed!

Last time on Binky’s Bench, Binky was arrested for a series of offenses that Judge made up. He swore out a warrant and Binky was arrested, by Officer Dalton who was not happy to do it.

When Officer Dalton led Binky into the police station to be processed everyone seemed to know him. They all said hello to Binky. Other officers were kidding with Officer Dalton. They said that Officer Dalton had captured a dangerous criminal.  At first Binky didn’t understand. Officer Dalton smiled at Binky and said “Don’t worry, they’re just kidding around, but I do have to read you your rights.” There was laughter all around the room at the absurdity of requiring Miranda rights to be read for such silly charges.

When Judge Stupanzik heard about the arrest,  she told her clerk to move the case to the top of the docket.

When she entered the courtroom she was surprised. It was full of men and women she knew. They were lawyers who had practiced law in her court.

She asked, “Who is here to represent Binky.” All of the lawyers stood up and said, “We are, your Honor.” She looked back at Binky and said, “I see you have adequate legal representation. I will proceed with the case.”

She began reading the charges against Binky out loud. “Binky, you are charged with vagrancy, loitering, unlawfully allowing pets to desecrate the sacred character of public property, and creating a public nuisance.” She could hardly keep a straight face.

After she had composed herself she turned to the prosecutor.

She said, “Mr. Prosecutor, are you prepared to prosecute these charges?” The prosecutor shuffled his feet and finally said, “Uh, I guess, if I must, but we are still gathering evidence.” That broke up the entire courtroom.  Judge Stupanzik was the first to regain composure. “Then we will proceed with the case.”

She asked Binky if the pigeons were his pets.  Binky said, “No they’re my friends.”

“Binky were you loitering?” asked Judge Stupanzik.

“Well, Your Honor, I do have to stay there to feed the pigeons.”

“So, you have reasonable business to be on the Chardon square.” “Yes, your Honor, he responded.”

“And are you desecrating a sacred public space?”  “I’m not sure,” Binky said “but I think the pigeons might be.”

It all became too much for Judge Stupanzik.  She banged down her gavel to silence the laughter that echoed through the courtroom. She was also having a difficult time keeping a straight face herself. She read the charges again. Then straining to keep a serious voice said, “In the case of the State of Ohio versus Binky, all charges are found to be without merit. the case is dismissed.”

Stupanzik stood up to leave the courtroom.  She stopped and turned to Binky and said, “Would it be ok if I came over sometime and fed the pigeons? “

“Yes,” said Binky, “but it would probably be best if you didn’t wear that black robe. It kind of scares the pigeons.”

NEXT TIME: Binky’s Newspaper Interview

The opinions expressed are solely those of Dave Partington and of course Bud, Randy, Harold, Larry and the rest of the guys sitting at the bar at Bud’s. Bud’s Geauga Corners is a work of fiction. Bud’s Geauga Corners is paid for solely by Dave Partington.

Binky #4: Binky Gets Arrested

I had been out of town for a week and boy did I missed a lot. Some friends filled me in.

It seems that judge just got madder and madder at Binky. He was upset about all the pigeons that Binky fed. Binky spent every day on the courthouse lawn feeding the pigeons.

The week before that judge had installed a 20-foot statue of himself on the courthouse lawn right where Binky’s bench had been before that judge had it removed. The pigeons liked the statue and were sitting on it doing what pigeons do on statues.

That judge had put up the statue of himself using money from his Special Slush Fund and he didn’t like the pigeons sitting on the statue. He was even madder that Binky was getting all the positive attention and people were ignoring him. So that judge hatched a plan to get rid of Binky. Once Binky was gone he could get rid of the pigeons too.

So that judge filed warrants to have Binky arrested for vagrancy, loitering, unlawfully allowing pets to desecrate the sacred character of public property, and creating a public nuisance.

The warrants were sent over to the Chardon Police Department.  By chance it was Officer Dalton who is on duty. He would have to arrest Binky. He took the warrants, read them shook his head in disbelief. Now, if you have read earlier episodes of Binky’s Bench you know that Officer Dalton was the policeman who that Judge yelled at (or had sung to depending on whose version you believe) back in July.

Officer Dalton drove over to the Chardon Square and parked his cruiser. He walked over to where Binky was standing.  Binky knew the officer and greeted him warmly and handed him some feed for the pigeons. Officer Dalton scattered some feed. The pigeons gathered around him and began to eat.

Officer Dalton showed Binky the arrest warrants. Binky read the papers. He said I didn’t mean to do bad things.

“Don’t worry Binky,” said officer Dalton. “Everything will be all right.  People all over Chardon like you and will help you.”

“Now you’ll have to come with me,” said Officer Dalton.

“Do I get to ride in the police car, “asked Binky. “Can I ride up front with you?”

Officer Dalton hesitated. He knew that this wasn’t what he should do. He knew Binky should really ride in the back. Then the bad memory of that encounter back in July came back to him.

Officer Dalton opened the front door of the cruiser. Binky and the officer got into the car.

When Binky got in the squad car his eyes became wide. “Wow, there’s a lot of radios and cool radar stuff in here. Can I blow the siren please?”

Officer Dalton hesitated for a moment then chuckled to himself and said, “Ok Binky hold on for a minute.” He drove the cruiser around the square and parked directly in front of the courthouse annex where that judge worked. “Ok Binky,” Officer Dalton said, “Go ahead.” Binky flipped the switch and the siren began to wail. Binky loved it.  Officer Dalton let him blow the siren for at least a minute. When Officer Dalton was just about ready to shut the siren off that judge opened a window, stuck his head out and started yelling at the police car. “I wonder if he’s yelling or practicing his singing for choir practice now,” said Officer Dalton.  Officer Dalton turned off the siren and drove to the police station.

Next Time: Case Dismissed!

The opinions expressed are solely those of Dave Partington and of course Bud, Randy, Harold, Larry and the rest of the guys sitting at the bar at Bud’s. Bud’s Geauga Corners is a work of fiction. Bud’s Geauga Corners is paid for solely by Dave Partington.