Binky #5: Case Dismissed!

Last time on Binky’s Bench, Binky was arrested for a series of offenses that Judge made up. He swore out a warrant and Binky was arrested, by Officer Dalton who was not happy to do it.

When Officer Dalton led Binky into the police station to be processed everyone seemed to know him. They all said hello to Binky. Other officers were kidding with Officer Dalton. They said that Officer Dalton had captured a dangerous criminal.  At first Binky didn’t understand. Officer Dalton smiled at Binky and said “Don’t worry, they’re just kidding around, but I do have to read you your rights.” There was laughter all around the room at the absurdity of requiring Miranda rights to be read for such silly charges.

When Judge Stupanzik heard about the arrest,  she told her clerk to move the case to the top of the docket.

When she entered the courtroom she was surprised. It was full of men and women she knew. They were lawyers who had practiced law in her court.

She asked, “Who is here to represent Binky.” All of the lawyers stood up and said, “We are, your Honor.” She looked back at Binky and said, “I see you have adequate legal representation. I will proceed with the case.”

She began reading the charges against Binky out loud. “Binky, you are charged with vagrancy, loitering, unlawfully allowing pets to desecrate the sacred character of public property, and creating a public nuisance.” She could hardly keep a straight face.

After she had composed herself she turned to the prosecutor.

She said, “Mr. Prosecutor, are you prepared to prosecute these charges?” The prosecutor shuffled his feet and finally said, “Uh, I guess, if I must, but we are still gathering evidence.” That broke up the entire courtroom.  Judge Stupanzik was the first to regain composure. “Then we will proceed with the case.”

She asked Binky if the pigeons were his pets.  Binky said, “No they’re my friends.”

“Binky were you loitering?” asked Judge Stupanzik.

“Well, Your Honor, I do have to stay there to feed the pigeons.”

“So, you have reasonable business to be on the Chardon square.” “Yes, your Honor, he responded.”

“And are you desecrating a sacred public space?”  “I’m not sure,” Binky said “but I think the pigeons might be.”

It all became too much for Judge Stupanzik.  She banged down her gavel to silence the laughter that echoed through the courtroom. She was also having a difficult time keeping a straight face herself. She read the charges again. Then straining to keep a serious voice said, “In the case of the State of Ohio versus Binky, all charges are found to be without merit. the case is dismissed.”

Stupanzik stood up to leave the courtroom.  She stopped and turned to Binky and said, “Would it be ok if I came over sometime and fed the pigeons? “

“Yes,” said Binky, “but it would probably be best if you didn’t wear that black robe. It kind of scares the pigeons.”

NEXT TIME: Binky’s Newspaper Interview

The opinions expressed are solely those of Dave Partington and of course Bud, Randy, Harold, Larry and the rest of the guys sitting at the bar at Bud’s. Bud’s Geauga Corners is a work of fiction. Bud’s Geauga Corners is paid for solely by Dave Partington.