Binky #10: Keep Feeding the Pigeons

It was a quiet and solitary scene on Chardon Square.  Some public offices and the library were closed. Binky thought the pigeons sounded almost noisy today. He was standing in his usual place by himself feeding the pigeons. Binky was feeding the pigeons differently.  Without really knowing it he was using techniques developed by the famous behavioral psychologist B.F. Skinner to train the pigeons to stay 6 feet apart. The pigeons were adjusting and learning fast.  It was so quiet that he heard footsteps coming from almost 20 feet away. Binky turned just as John Carlson, the lead reporter from the Maple Tree Gazette, greeted him.

Carlsson was noticeably glum, but Binky’s smile and upbeat tone of voice cheered Carlson a bit.

Carlson was worried about the Gazette.  With everything closed up, there would be a drop in advertising revenues from businesses, restaurants, and stores. He worried about the paper’s future. He worried that since not much was happening there wouldn’t be many stories for his reporters to write.

As he talked to Binky he told him all these things. Binky told John Carlson not to worry. Things will turn out OK. Binky said, “People like you, Mr. Carlson. They like the Gazette newspaper. They will help you.”  He told Mr. Carlson that there were plenty of good stories to write. He pointed to the pigeons and he described how fast they learned to stay 6 feet apart.  He reminded Carlson that spring was coming and there were plenty of good things to write about. There were things like the daffodils that came up with that bright yellow that looked so good after the dull gray winter. He told Carlson that he could write about the Redwing Blackbirds that return this time of year and make that funny squawky sound. Binky said, “Mr. Carlson, just walk down by the creek as the sun goes down and listen. There are hundreds of frogs croaking and squeaking. When they croak all together it’s really loud,” said Binky.”  Just go for a walk, you’ll see,” Binky urged.

By the time Carlson left he was feeling a lot better. He thought, yes we will make it. He looked back at Binky and waved one more time. Binky smiled a big smile and waved back.  Carlson turned to go and thought to himself, “No damn wonder people like that guy.”

Writer’s note:

For nearly 3 months I have been writing (or maybe attempting to write) fictional parodies and satires entitled Binky’s Bench. The newspaper treated the stories as advertising and charged me accordingly. I paid for the space.

It’s important that we understand that in America we have a wonderful freedom, freedom of the press. A Free Press, however doesn’t mean a free newspaper. Newspapers sustain themselves first and foremost with advertising and secondly through subscriptions.

So maybe it’s time that you bought a small ad that wishes a friend or loved one happy birthday, or share the location of your secret fishing hole, tell people where the best takeout fish fry is and remind your wife how much you love her. (Maybe that ad should be a little bigger.)  I could go on but you get the point. When this is all over we will still want know what’s happening in Geauga County and I hope this paper will be there to tell us.

Last, this is my final episode of Binky’s Bench. Now it’s up to you to create your own stories and write about them. There are lots of things to write about both fiction and nonfiction. When you write I hope you will use Binky as a role model. Just like Binky, try to be helpful so that people will like you. Oh, and just one more thing. Keep feeding the pigeons.

The opinions expressed here are solely those of Dave Partington. Binky’s Bench is paid for solely by Dave Partington. Binky's Bench is a work of fiction.

Bud #11: The Sun’s Gonna Shine

I was just sitting at home, so I called Bud to see how he was doing. He answered and told me that the bar was closed, but take out was thriving. I was surprised to hear that because there had been no food service at Bud’s since Emma (Bud’s wife and cook) passed away. That was years ago.

Randy and Amanda decided to change that. Right away they began cleaning up the commercial kitchen in the back of Bud’s. They got Ricky the Afghanistan vet and mechanical genius to help. Within a couple of days Ricky had the stoves, freezer, and cooler up and running. Bud called his supplier and got food and carryout containers. So far it was just burgers and fries, but Amanda had a great recipe for beef stew. The problem was they had no way to package it for carry out. Bud called around to some different suppliers. One guy said he had a couple of pallets of the boxes used at Chinese restaurants for carryout. He said that they should work for beef stew. They did work fine, but it was a little strange to put beef stew in those little wire handled boxes with the pagoda on the side and the message that said ‘enjoy.’

Bud rigged up his own version of a drive up cash register. He took a 5- gallon plastic bucket that still had a lid. He cut a slot in the top to put in the money. Then he got a big piece of cardboard. He used a magic marker and wrote ‘MENU’ in big letters. Then he listed the items. Hamburger $ ?, fries $ ?, Stew $ ?

Underneath that he wrote “You know what they are worth. You decide.”

The next day they scaled up a bit. After remembering that lots of folks near Geauga Corners had a hard time getting around, they decided on home delivery. Gary made some deliveries with his dump truck. Harold had a field day teasing Gary with ‘meals on wheels’ jokes and the slogan “Let us dump your dinner.” The whole thing went really well.

At the end of the day they all sat apart on lawn chairs around a fire ring that Bud had set up in the side yard of ‘Bud’s Geauga  Corners’. The fire was burning bright and hot.  It was a relaxing finish to a busy and successful day. They were sitting listening to the fire crackle when B.L. Jefferson drove up. He brought his guitar over and opened up the case. He said “I’m gonna sing a different song.  I learned this one from a bluegrass banjo player name of Dave Evans.”  When he sang they all knew it was the last part of the chorus he wanted everyone to hear.

That part of the chorus went like this:

…The sun’s gonna shine in my back door some day

Yes, the sun’s gonna shine in my back door some day

Warm winds gonna blow our blues all away.

B.L. Jefferson finished the song. Everyone was silent

The fire crackled. They all stared into the flames with the same thoughts.

We will get through this together.

Writer’s note:

For nearly 3 months I have been writing (or maybe attempting to write) fictional parodies and satire entitled Bud’s Geauga Corners . The newspaper treated the stories as advertising and charged me accordingly. I paid for the space.

It’s important that we understand that in America we have a wonderful freedom, freedom of the press. A Free Press, however doesn’t mean a free newspaper. Newspapers sustain themselves first and foremost with advertising and secondly through subscriptions.

So maybe it’s time that you bought a small ad that wished a friend or loved one happy birthday, or shared the location of your secret fishing hole, tell people where to get the best take out fish fry and maybe place an ad reminding your wife how much you love her. (Maybe that ad should be a little bigger.)  I could go on but you get the point. When this is all over we will still want know what’s happening in Geauga County and I hope this paper will be there to tell us.

Last, this is my final episode of Bud’s Geauga Corners. Now it’s up to you to create your own stories. There are lots of things to write about both fiction and nonfiction. In the coming weeks I hope you will think of Bud and his friends and just like the folks at Geauga Corners we will need to be together as a sharing community.  If we can do that then the “sun will shine in our back door someday.”

The opinions expressed are solely those of Dave Partington and of course Bud, Randy, Harold, Larry and the rest of the guys sitting at the bar at Bud’s. Bud’s Geauga Corners is a work of fiction. Bud’s Geauga Corners is paid for solely by Dave Partington.

Binky #9: A Field Trip

It was a clear day on the Chardon Square. Across the street at the elementary school a teacher was bundling up her first graders. They were all set for a field trip. For the past two weeks the students had been preparing for this field trip. It was not a regular field trip with a big yellow school bus. It was a simple walk across the street to the Square. The first graders had spent the last two weeks writing stories, learning vocabulary, drawing pictures and studying about pigeons. It seemed that Binky’s notoriety had spread all the way down to first grade.

They had heard about the many awards that judge was being given, so they decided to make their own award and give it to Binky.

They made a big award for Binky on a piece of butcher paper. It was 4’ x 8’. They colored it and drew pictures of pigeons on it. They all signed their names. The inscription read, “To our friend Binky, a good citizen and a man who is a helpful.” The teacher explained how they could roll the award up like a scroll. Then they could unroll it and read it like a proclamation.

When they were ready the teacher brought out a surprise. She gave each student a small bag of birdseed to feed to the pigeons. Then off they went to the Square.

Binky was standing in his usual spot. He looked up and saw an unusual sight. About 20 1st graders were coming toward him.

The kids greeted Binky warmly and Binky responded. The teacher helped them unroll the scroll. The kids read the words on it. Binky looked at the kids, then the pigeons, and finally the teacher. Binky was a little choked up. Then the kids asked if they could feed the pigeons.

“Oh yes” said Binky, “please do.”

About this time there was a commotion and lot of loud hollering. From across the street came that judge yelling and waving his gavel in the air with his robes flying behind him. He ran up to the group and started shouting that Binky was endangering the children. He said Binky was creating a health and safety hazard for the children.

The first graders were afraid and huddled behind their teacher. Indeed, a man in a black robe waving a gavel, does look menacing.

Now, if you have spent any time in an elementary school you know there are no wimps among first grade teachers. They love teaching, but are fiercely protective of their students.

That judge continued to yell and wave his gavel. That lit the teacher’s fuse. She stepped up toe to toe with that judge and said “There is no danger to the children. There are no safety or health hazards here. Stop scaring my students.”

That judge was enraged. “I am finding you in contempt” he yelled at the teacher. The teacher was having none of it. She stared right at that judge and said, “The only contempt here is the contemptible nature of your behavior toward these children.”

The commotion had not gone unnoticed and about this time two police cars a sheriff’s deputy and even a highway patrol car pulled up. Sheriff Heidelberg got out of one of the cars and walked over to where the judge was standing. He calmly and quietly said to that judge, “It’s time for you to go back to work in your courtroom.”

That judge turned his anger at Sheriff Heidelberg and began berating him. 35 years of police work had taught the Sheriff how to calm a situation down. He quietly said, “Your honor I don’t want to arrest you, please go back to your courtroom.” That judge had never been addressed this way. He knew he had met his match. He turned and still yelling stomped back toward his courtroom.

Sheriff Heidelberg turned to the children and said “It’s OK now everything is fine. He asked the kids if they would like to blow the siren on the squad car. There was a lot of noise from all four squad cars blowing their sirens.

This was a field trip no one would ever forget.

NOTE: There will be some big events going on next week. There will be no episode of Binky’s Bench next week.

The opinions expressed are solely those of Dave Partington and of course Bud, Randy, Harold, Larry and the rest of the guys sitting at the bar at Bud’s. Bud’s Geauga Corners is a work of fiction. Bud’s Geauga Corners is paid for solely by Dave Partington.

Binky #8: Binky Does Math

It was an overcast cold Northeast Ohio day on the Chardon square. Binky was standing near the 20 foot statue of that judge and feeding the pigeons. A woman approached him and greeted him warmly. Everybody seemed to like Binky right away. She said her name was Deborah Kowalski and she worked in the office that keeps the court records for the entire county. Binky handed her the bag of seed and together they began feeding the pigeons. She explained what she did for the county. She told Binky that she was in charge of keeping all the records straight for all the court cases.

Binky said, “That sounds like a lot of work.” She said, “I have a lot of good people working with me.”

When they had finished spreading the bag of seed Ms. Kowalski asked Binky if he would like to go to the coffee shop and warm up with a cup of coffee. It was cold outside and Binky quickly agreed.

When they got their coffee Ms. Kowalski asked, “Binky, do you like to do math problems?”

“Oh yes, math was my best subject in school,” Binky said. Ms. Kowalski took out a calculator, a legal pad and one of those cardboard flyers that judge had mailed to everybody in the county. She showed Binky the section that said the judge had 6400 hearings last year. “Wow,” Binky said. “That’s a lot.” Ms. Kowalski said, “Let’s find out how many hearings he does every day.”

First, they took 365 days and subtracted the 104 weekend days in a year. That judge probably didn’t work on weekends. Then they subtracted for a two -week vacation. Binky said, “Yes a vacation is good. It lets you get rested and feel better.” By subtracting they found that there were 247 days for that judge to work. Binky was good at long division and he figured that judge had over 3 hearings every hour of every work day.

“Can he do that many? Can he really get that many done?” asked Binky.

Ms. Kowalski chuckled and said, “Binky, those are judicial robes he wears not a superhero cape.”

It took Binky a minute to get it. There wasn’t much irony in his life and Binky was a literal guy.

Binky was quiet for a moment and then said, “He’s doing so much work that he must be really tired. That’s why he’s grumpy and yells at people so much.”

Ms. Kowalski changed the subject. “I heard you got an award.”

“Yes,” said Binky. “Sheriff Heidelberg gave me a snow shovel with my name engraved on it. He said it was for being a good citizen and helping shovel off the snow from the courthouse steps. I didn’t want people to slip and fall.”

“Congratulations Binky,” said Ms. Kowalski.

She didn’t say it but what she was thinking was, as soon as that judge hears about Binky’s shovel he’ll probably give himself another made up award with a gold-plated shovel that the taxpayers will have to pay for.

Ms. Kowalski looked at her watch and said, “Binky it’s time for me to get back to work.”

“Yes,” said Binky. “The pigeons will be getting hungry too.” Binky bought several large muffins for the pigeons.

As they were leaving the sun was trying to poke through the gray clouds above Chardon. Ms. Kowalski said goodbye to Binky. As she was leaving she thought to herself, “Yes, it’s true. People really do like Binky.”

NEXT TIME: A Field Trip

The opinions expressed are solely those of Dave Partington and of course Bud, Randy, Harold, Larry and the rest of the guys sitting at the bar at Bud’s. Bud’s Geauga Corners is a work of fiction. Bud’s Geauga Corners is paid for solely by Dave Partington.